Well... I finally heard from my brother today... He called and told me he was now in a certain facility about an hour away getting help. I began crying really hard when I found that out... I really thought he was dead or out on the streets... He asked if I would still keep my promise to take him to the place he would stay and do long term treatment. I told him yes... He said it was in Sarasota, FL.... I didn't know the full information about the facility, but figured the place he was at now would help....
I was relieved... My brother was safe.. and alive... And at a place I knew would give him some help...
Mom, grandma, and I all went out to eat for dinner this evening... During it, Kevin called me to give me a date he'd be out so I could take him to the new facility. I told him give me 30 mins and call me back... I'd be home by then....
I got home, vacuumed, changed into something comfortable, grabbed a glass of wine, and plopped on the couch, ready to watch some DVR'd shows I hadn't watched yet... Then the phone ran... the words "Withheld" flashed across the screen.....
I answered and there was my brother..... "Julie... I called the airlines..." The only words that even popped up in my head were "MOTHER F#!$%!" I could tell how unstable he was... He kept repeating himself the whole time... "Julie, I thought you said you were going to help me..."
I finally told my brother the stipulations behind what I said... I told him as long as he stayed sober, and was able to be stable and have himself together, AND stayed at the facility and got the help he needed, I would take him.... Anyways... the repetition went on and on and with the help of a counselor, she got my brother off the phone and told me I'd hear from a counselor tomorrow... Before she got off the phone, she told me I should check into Al Anon... I'm starting next week... When I finally have a day off work.
I am also the sister of a brother with alcoholism as well as other heavy drug use and many relationship problems. I feel comfort reading your posts and knowing there are others that feel the same pain mixed with love as I do. For me, my brother is eight years older than me and therefore has been the biggest role model to me, but obviously not a positive one. I always remember trying to follow him around when I was little and copy his every move with the possibility of being just as cool as my big bro. When I came upon my 5th and 6th grade years, however, I began to realize my hero was more of a villain. This hit me very hard and I still struggle with watching my greatest role model ruin his life day by day.
ReplyDeleteThere was one day I remember vividly, similar to you helping out your brother. My parents were on vacation for the week and my sister was out of the house for the night so I was home alone, probably about 16 years old. Late at night there was a phone call and when I answered, it was my drunken brother on the other end ordering me to drive downtown and pick him up from jail. I was so scared and already looking up directions. Then he ordered to talk to my sister. I told him he would have to call her cell phone because she wasn’t home, but seeing as he only had one phone call, I had to call her from my cell phone and put the two phones together to connect them. For about 5 minutes I just stood holding the phones, listening to my siblings yell back and forth at each other, my sister saying how he got himself into trouble and he would have to pay for it, while my bother continued to cuss us out and declare how horrible of sisters we were. That was the first slap in the face I received about how serious my brothers addictions were because my family was always good at hiding the truth. I will never forget the hurt, fear, and disappointment that lonely night left me with.
Melissa, I really sorry about you having to deal with that... Especially when its someone that you looked up to and respected. The one thing I learned about substance abuse, is that the person who is doing it isn't in the fault, or is wrong... Its everyone else! My brother could never take the blame for anything when he was under the influence. I could always tell my brother was drunk because he would call wanting something and would rip me up one way and down the other.. The names I got called or heard my folks get call are even worth repeating. I also saw my brother calling people for help (needing money) late in the night, including my grandparents, grandma, family who lived out of town.. It was absolutely ridiculous. I can honestly tell you right now that when my brother was cussing out family members and my parents because they wouldn't help, I swore that if he wasn't dead when we got ahold of him, I'd kill him. Obviously I wasn't but I was definitely going to ring his neck! Ya know, as a sibling it was so much easier for me to blow off my brother and let him hit rock bottom then it was for my folks. Keep your head up Melissa. Its definitely a rough road. How is your brother doing right now, if you don't mind me asking? If you ever need someone to talk to, please feel free to email me!
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